Tuesday, September 18, 2012

complete certainty

Some days I wake up and miss the people I used to work with so incredibly much.
Those from my most recent job. Oh, I miss the job too. I miss being there, the safety, calm and peace.
But there was a love and trust from my boss and from a few of my co-workers that I haven't felt in 20 years.
I don't think it was mutual and there is no insult intended in expressing that.
The first week or two on the job - one of the most personal and private (and painful) events - mistake - regret - thankful-for-the-atonement mess-ups from my past, walked right in to say... hello...
I'm not even sure what my reaction or behavior would have been in the years before becoming a member of the church.
Though I had a slight moment of panic, what I DID do, was walk right over to my brand new boss and start telling her about it.
With complete certainty that she would if not immediately understand, care.
She did.
In the time I worked there we had a volatile relationship, her and I. She is a caring, loving, wise and goodly woman.
I have aspergers.
I am caring, loving, sorta-wise and goodly as well.
Aspergers places a layer of virtual sandpaper between us. Between me and most people eventually.
I often wish I lived near enough to just hangout.
I had to quit.
There is a bigger picture that is more important.
Still, I miss the people that are there right now and I miss being there.

No comments: