Friday, September 16, 2011

double double

It is with intense attitude, but little emotion that I declare the passing of twenty years of spousal detachment.

As with any legal action there are actually many calendar dates involved; the filing date, the dissolution date, there once was a time I could recall the ominous date of discovery.

None of that is relevant any longer to my life. My life has moved forward.

Tomorrow I turn fifty three. 53. Holy mother of a meshiggina batman ….

Used to be … I’d never tell anyone my real age.

Oy vey – as Frank, a guy I worked with used to say, once you turn 50, haven’t you done and seen it all? What is there to be embarrassed about, just live!

Still stunned to be here past forty, I thought I’d share a few words of accumulated wisdom with you, now that I’ve lived through so much.
Uh --- maybe not today though. . .

Today I want to share with you the best birthday present I could ever have received.

Last night, my 21 year old came home from the fire station totally exhausted, ready to have dinner and get some sleep. He was not feeling well from a cold, and was worried about how I'd been feeling, so he stopped to chat with me a while.

Our schedules are such that we don’t see each other on a daily basis, and when we do, there is not always the opportunity to talk. Normally ok, as a 21 year old doesn't care much if he sees his mom more than once a week.

I noticed he was spoting new boots. Yeah. He told me’d gone with his bestie to Cabella’s to buy a new pair. Laughed and was utterly astounded when I told him almost to the dollar how much he'd spent.

Said he'd thought about not telling me, but should know better.

BTW - ‘bestie’ is my word not his, of course. I think he’s got him tagged on FB as his brother though. His redheaded brother. Heh

Anyway, he was chatting about how comfortable it is to hang out as bestie’s home. And remarked how similar the familial setup is. Male kid his age, (the bestie), a younger sister comparable in age to my daughter’s age, the dynamics and rapport between the two siblings similar to those of my two kids.

Parental unit female is apparently much like me; he probably means she is equally perfect in every way.

So I said, well, the family set-up is the same, except that they have a parental unit … male …. The lad looked at me and said, you know mom, you’ve been a good double parent.
I was oh – so pleased.

He recognized the extreme effort it has taken over the years for me to not be a single parent, but be a double parent. In the complete absence of their dad, taking on the role of both mom and dad so that they (hopefully) never felt like they were missing anything.

I’m far from perfect. OH SO FAR.

But there is no greater gift a parent can receive than acknowledgement from their child of their love and caring.

Life has indeed moved forward fabulously. I look forward to the next twenty, nay double that - forty years - with anticipation and appreciation.

1 comment:

The Elephant's Child said...

It is truly lovely that your son came to check how you were/are doing and that he was able to tell you what a great job of parenting you have done.
Love it.